


You Broke my Heart

by Bright_Moon_Beam



Series: Felt like Home [3]
Category: The Dolan Twins, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Apologies, Brotherly Affection, Brotherly Bonding, Brotherly Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Fights, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Poor Ethan, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Sad, Sad with a Happy Ending, Twins, dairy-free ice cream, he needs a hug, prank gone wrong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-10
Updated: 2019-10-10
Packaged: 2020-12-07 14:36:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20977532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bright_Moon_Beam/pseuds/Bright_Moon_Beam
Summary: Ethan could handle stupid arguments. He and Grayson had at least 3 stupid arguments per day after all. What he couldn't handle was the silent treatment. He couldn't handle the feeling of not even knowing what he had done wrong. Every time he tries to fix what he had done wrong - things just get worse. He is at his wits end and Grayson's lack of empathy drives him up the wall.





	You Broke my Heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lizzy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizzy/gifts).

> I want to say right here and right now how proud I am of the twins. After watching this weeks video, I was touched so deeply (and after crying a lot) and thinking very deeply about the situation, all I can say is that I am so thankful that they are going to start taking better care of themselves. As fans, I think we can agree that their happiness comes first. Personally, I stumbled upon the twins in a pretty bad period of my life. I was at my lowest and I can say that watching their videos brought me out of a place I never wanted to be in. A more spaced out upload schedule could never change the way I feel about them, and every Tuesday I will have a smile on my face whether they post or not because it is still our boy's day. I hope they are physically and more mentally healthy after this transition and I am so excited to support all of their upcoming videos and projects!!!!
> 
> They will never see this but I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart. <3

Ethan didn’t understand it. As he stared blankly at his bedroom wall he tried to puzzle through it. He tried to dig deep and recall what had started the night’s problems, but there had been nothing. The day began like it always did and really it had been better than most days. He and Grayson were both feeling better after they had both run their courses through that wicked cold, and now rather than Grayson using surfing as an escape, Ethan had gone along with him to enjoy the beautiful weather and the ocean. 

They had spent hours out there enjoying themselves, and it was always times like those when Ethan felt closest to Grayson. They had a lot of fun filming and doing exceptional things for the chanel, but sometimes the simple joys were the best. The times when the camera’s were put away and it was just Ethan and Grayson going out to enjoy everyday activities, but together.

It was away from the eyes of the audience that Ethan could really focus completely on his twin. He didn’t have to try to be high energy every single moment. He didn’t have to think of funny things to say or censor himself. He was his most authentic self when he was alone with Grayson and he clung to those moments. 

It was after they were done surfing that things got weird. Grayson had gone back to the car first while Ethan was still packing things up and as Ethan approached he could see Gray was taking a video on his phone. Of course, Ethan wanted to be funny for the fans so he grabbed onto Graysons door, pulling it open, tilting his head into the shot at a weird angle. 

“What are you doing?” He asked playfully.

“Geez, E!” Gray yelped, pulling the phone away quickly, throwing Ethan a glare. “You scared me.”

Ethan moved back uneasily, a bit shocked by his brother’s over dramatic reaction. He would have called him out for being an ass, but the weird look on his face unnerved him. He was hiding something. It made his chest clench uncomfortably and he shrugged awkwardly. “Sorry Man. I just thought it would be funny.”

Grayson’s face softened a bit and he nodded. It was still strange and Ethan shut the door, retreating to the passenger side. He didn’t complain as Grayson turned on their music, just letting his head rest against the seat. He was afraid to question Gray and rather than dwell on it he would rather just sleep. It could be a prank or some kind of surprise for a video that he didn’t want to ruin. He hoped that was all it was, but the look in Grayson’s eyes was all that Ethan could think about when he fell asleep.

When they got back home Ethan woke up to Grayson slamming his door. Feeling groggy and confused he collecting his things slowly before following his brother into the house.

“Do you want to go out for dinner tonight?” Ethan asked casually, moving past Grayson as his brother pulled a water bottle out of the fridge. He leaned back against the kitchen island, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he waited for a reply.

“Why? You can’t stomach my cooking today?” Grayson asked, shutting the fridge, moving over to start clearing the counter. He wouldn’t turn to look back at Ethan. 

“Dude, what’s with the attitude? I just thought we were having a nice day and it would be nice to go out somewhere. You could have a little break and we could end the night with something kind of fancy.” Ethan started out gruff, the hurt from Grayson’s cold response seeping into his words. His tone became more playful as he spoke though, trying to recapture the earlier mood. He was hopeful that Grayson would turn around so he could see his face and agree to have some fun.

“So you want to waste our money? That’s it?” Grayson’s tune was flat as he dumped dishes into the sink with a loud clatter, making Ethan jump. 

“Gray, I just wanted to hang out, okay? If you don’t want to do anything we don’t have to. We can make dinner and stay in.”

“What do you mean ‘we’? I’m the only one who ever cooks.”

“You know I can barely make toast!” Ethan cried out, straightening up and taking a step forward. He was getting progressively more angry that everything he tried was getting shot down, but the anxiety bubbling in his chest kept him from exploding. If this was an argument it would be fine. If he did something dumb or if Grayson did something dumb and they were bickering it was just like every single day.It was something expected even. This was something else entirely. Grayson was pissed about something and he didn’t want to talk about it. He was pushing Ethan away and Ethan didn’t like being pushed. He didn’t like the disconnection that left open a part of himself that was an entrance for all kinds of doubt and pain.

“And you never are going to learn how to make anything more than toast are you? You are just going to depend on me for the rest of your life right? Make me clean up all your messes and get you up for meetings in the morning?” Grayson had turned on the hot water and Ethan watched as the steam rose up from the dishes the noise adding a new level of stress to a situation that was already making him feel dizzy. 

“Grayson, what the fuck? You know I can’t cook, but I try and do my fairshare and you know it. I can be lazy, but if it is really bothering you that bad I’ll work on it okay?”

“For some reason I have a hard time believing that.” Grayson mumbled the words and began to scrub the dishes signalling to Ethan he was done with the conversation. Ethan was far from down however.

“Look I don’t know where this is coming from, but you can’t just dump all of this on me and then go silent.” He took another step and reached out to grab Grayson’s shoulder, tightening his grip to a crushing level when the other boy tried to shake him off. “Will you please look at me?” 

“Ethan, get off of me.” Grayson said sounding panicked. 

“Gray please I-” Ethan started to speak basically pleading at his point. 

“E, I said get off!” Grayson screamed the words, ripping Ethan’s hand off his shoulder hard enough to make Ethan fumble. 

Ethan, unsure how to respond to that, stood completely still, staring blankly at his brothers back. He waited for him to turn around and say he was sorry. He waited for gray to pull him into a hug and admit that he was being an overdramatic jerk. 

All he did was silently go back to doing the dishes.

Ethan, feeling shaky and dangerously close to shoving his hand through the window took a step back. He pulled in a shaky breath before whipping around the counter and walking briskly back to his room, shutting the door behind himself.

After a 3 hour stress nap he woke up to an empty house and no food. Not really feeling up to food anyway Ethan elected to skip dinner. Maybe when Grayson got back from wherever he went to brood and they made up they could go get a late night snack together.

After watching Youtube mindlessly for a few hours on the TV, Grayson did finally come back. He walked in the door with multiple bags of groceries in each hand. Ethan stood up immediately to help him carry them and unload them into the kitchen.He was so excited to see his brother come home and to have a chance to fix whatever happened earlier that he didn’t hear their cameraman shuffle behind the wall, lying in waiting for the grand finale. 

Grayson didn’t say anything as Ethan took the bags from his right hand, keeping his eyes trained on the ground. Ethan worried his lips with his teeth as he started putting some of the produce in the fridge. 

“Gray… whatever I did, I’m sorry. I just—” He began the apology he had been working on in his mind after he woke up, making sure he was inoffensive and genuine, even though he was still pretty clueless about his brother’s sudden animosity. He didn’t have a chance to finish before grayson cut him off though.

“I think I should move out,” Grayson’s voice was hollow, his eyes glaring daggers into the countertop. Ethan dropped the container of blueberries in his hand, the plastic box popping open upon impact, the fruit scattering across the kitchen floor. He barely noticed.

“Grayson, what the fuck?”

“Look, Ethan. I just can’t take it anymore, okay? I’m so fed up with arguing all the time. I don’t want to live this way anymore and the only thing I can think to do is move out,” His voice trembled with laughter that Ethan mistook as emotion in his panicked state. He gripped the edge of the counter so tightly his knuckles turned white. 

“Grayson, I don’t know what crawled up your ass and died but this is ridiculous. We share everything. How are we supposed to work with you living in different houses? How are we supposed to manage are accounts and money if we are apart? How are we going to manage to live apart in general?” Ethan was so close to losing it and the fact that Grayson refused to look at him just made it even worse.

“We can figure it out. Plenty of people work together and live apart. Actually, that is what most people do.” 

“Grayson, look at me,” Ethan snapped, the back of his knees trembling, his anxiety skyrocketing. 

Grayson didn’t move or speak, he just reached for another grocery bag and Ethan finally reacted. He reached out to grab the collar of his brother’s shirt, yanking him forward so he had no choice but to look up. 

As soon as there eyes met, Grayson started laughing.

Ethan stood shocked, turning his head when he heard their cameraman walk into the kitchen rather awkwardly. He let go of his twin’s shirt as Grayson wheezed with laughter, folding his arms across his chest defensively. The relief that a bad situation was merely a prank should have washed over him, yet Ethan felt nothing but hurt.

“Dude, holy shit!” Grayson wiped a tear from the corner of his eyes, looking to Ethan with a huge grin. “I can’t believe I actually got you. I was so close to giving it away the whole time and you never even noticed.” 

Grayson waited then for Ethan to yell at him, or hit him. He was probably expecting Ethan to vow to get him back soon or to scream overdramatically and comment on how he was so stupid to believe something like that. 

Ethan couldn’t bring himself to do that though. He just felt sick to his stomach and he really wished he could just disappear. 

“You really think that was funny?” His voice was quiet, nothing more than a whisper. “Really Gray?”

The smile on Grayson’s face faltered as he shrugged. 

“It was only funny because I got you so good, bro. You are usually way better than me with these kinds of pranks and I thought you would figure me out right away because I’m a shit actor. I couldn’t even look at you, because I knew I would laugh as soon as I did.”

Ethan bit his lip and nodded, before turning to walk out of the kitchen. He didn’t want to be on camera anymore and he definitely didn’t want to be anywhere near Grayson. 

“E, wait!” Grayson reached out to grab Ethan’s wrist, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Ethan ripped his hand away harshly, holding it to his chest as if he had been burned.

“Don’t fucking touch me right now, dude,” He snapped coldly before going back to his room. He was thankful that Grayson didn’t follow.

How could Grayson think that was funny? This was Ethan’s whole life. Sometimes it was pretty shitty, more often than not lately, but he was always okay because Grayson was there. Anything in the world was possible to make it through if Grayson was right there beside him, fighting the same thing. How could Grayson even think this was a good idea. How did he think this wouldn’t give Ethan anxiety? 

With his face pressed into the coolness of his pillow, Ethan fought tears. He could hear Grayson speaking in the other room, but only faintly. He was probably freaking out because the footage was unable to be used. Ethan having a borderline mental breakdown wasn’t good content for them apparently.

Dumbass. 

About an hour later, Ethan was half asleep and still depressed. He didn’t even move when he heard Grayson enter the room or when he felt him sit at the edge of his bed.

“E,” his voice was soft and obviously apologetic. Ethan really didn’t want to hear it.

“Go away, Grayson,” He grumbled, pressing his face more firmly into his pillow.

“Come on, I know you haven’t eaten all day,” Grayson pleaded, nudging Ethan’s arm gently. Ethan laid still for another moment, before lifting his head warily. Grayson sat with bloodshot eyes and a wary smile, holding a cone of ice cream. “I drove to the shop with the really good dairy-free stuff. I know this doesn’t make up for what I did, but you should still eat it and talk to me.”

Ethan sighed before sitting up and reaching out to take the cone. He took a tentative lick and stared at his twin blankly. He wasn’t going to be the one to start this conversation and Grayson knew that. 

“Look Ethan, looking back on that, I know it was super stupid—like super fucking idiotic.” He rubbed both eyes with the heel of his palms before continuing. “I don’t know why I did it. I got the suggestion from some comment and I don’t know— when I read it, I was so sure that it wouldn’t even work. I was so sure you were going to call bullshit immediately so I wanted to try it. Then, I was so excited that it was actually working, that I didn’t stop. I was so caught up in the stupid game that I didn’t realize how much of an ass I was being, and you didn’t deserve that even if you put that disgusting picture of me on that stupid billboard.” He sucked in a deep breath and reached out carefully to lay his hand on Ethan’s knee.

“You are annoying and lazy, but I would never just leave you like that, E. No matter what you do I need you too much to let go and I know I’m not perfect either. I thought you knew that too and I’m sorry I ever made you doubt it.” He finished his little speech by squeezing his knee.

Ethan still felt pretty messed up about what happened, but after thinking Gray was mad at him all day it felt good to be close again. He had missed him even if he was the biggest jerk on the planet.

“You’re a dickhead,” Ethan grumbled, as he pulled Grayson into a tight hug.

“I love you too, bro,” Grayson replied, squeezing back just as tight.

**Author's Note:**

> I uploaded earlier than I thought I would!!!! YaY
> 
> I took two midterms this morning and I think I did pretty well on both soooo I was really happy and cranked out the rest of my draft.
> 
> Thank you again to Lizzy for this lovely suggestion!!! I hope you enjoyed it and that I did your request justice
> 
> ALSO   
If any of you want to follow me you can do so on Instagram  
@monddolan  
I don't have a big following or anything, but I will post when I make a new installment to the series and you guys can 100% chat with me there! I love making new friends (especially in this fandom because you guys are so very very sweet!)  
You guys can also DM me with requests whenever you think of them!  
If any of you come from here to Instagram shoot me a DM or leave me a comment saying hello!


End file.
